So I'm really behind on blogging. My goal was to take care of this about once a week or so. I am clearly poor at that. So. I just watched Letters to Juliet. I now own it. And I am very happy about that. It is actually one of my favorite movies ever. Not only is the soundtrack wonderful, but all the actors are great. The most overwhelming part of the movie, though, is the plot line (of course). [Spoiler Warning] It's the story(s) we all want: We want to find that true love that's still there after fifty years/fall head over heels for someone who actually cares for you, too. Though the many misunderstandings and miscommunications of feelings made me cry, it's truly beautiful. It's the love story we all want to have at least once.

"It's a love story; baby, just say yes."

Breathe

Ok, this video needs no commentary. It speaks for itself. I'm only putting it here because it is wonderful and because I am going to need it later for my own benefit (and this is the easiest way for me to keep track of it).

I can't wait for class to start tomorrow!!!! However, I am not excited about my three hour physics lab...on the first day.

I've just moved into my new dorm, and I'm SO excited. My roommate enjoys Home Improvement (so we should get along, right?), my suitemates are letting me use their fridges, and the entire suite is well decorated and air conditioned. I am super excited now about the upcoming year. A little nervous, too. One of my best friends that I spent a good deal of last year with is away at Disneyworld. I have three very difficult classes this semester. I will be rushing starting next week, so I get to meet the freshmen and meet all the sororities...all in the same week. I will also (hopefully) be joining a bible study in order to be on RUF leadership. Consequently, my semester is going to be insanely crazy. I know I'm going to enjoy every minute of it, but so many new experiences at once kind of scares me a lot.

I feel like in the past few months, my relationship with God has become stagnant, even regressive. Is that a word? I think so. I haven't read my Bible at all, listened to Him, or even talked to Him. How can I have a relationship with someone I haven't even talked to? That's ridiculous.

However, I feel that, every day, God is making it more and more clear to me how much I need him. I've been trying so long to do it all on my own. That obviously doesn't work, as I keep finding out. I am so dependent on Him for everything, but I obviously forget it all the time. I'm also backsliding constantly, but I'm trying to move back to where God wants me, too. I think it's going to be a long process. A life-long one, if you will. But that's what he asks of me and what I'll try to give: total, complete, 100%, "I'm all in" commitment.

I am constantly reminded of how much I miss camp. I know camp is all I've talked about for the past few weeks, but it has been so important to me. It has shown me things about myself that I've forgotten. I made so many friends there that it's almost ridiculous. I know I want to go back (because I truly do like the work), but it will be so different if my good friends do not want to go back. Just hanging around with my camp friends for probably the last time this summer is a reminder of what the next few months will not be like.

Laminin

Laminin. Look it up.

So, it's this protein in the human body that holds everything together. Basically. It's so completely wonderful. I mean, without this protein, we'd kinda be falling apart. But the most awesome part of this post is about how this protein looks. If you were to look at the diagram of the protein, you would see that it's in the shape of a cross. Coincidence that the cross holds together both our souls and our entire bodies? I don't think so.

I want to be more of a writer.

No, I don't want to write for a living. But I want to be able to put what I am feeling into words. People who can just blog about anything and everything amaze me. To have an endless supply of words would be amazing. I'm not that talented. I'm pretty sure that gaining a writing skill would help with writing the numerous papers throughout the semester.

Additionally, I want to gain more of an appreciation for literature in general.

That is all.

Campfire

I realized the other night what camp is all about for me. It's all about campfire. Or, at least what happens before, during, and after. Before the last night of campfire, I got to sit in the golf cart and listen to the students gather in a circle and sing worship songs. When it was time to go to the lake, they walked quietly. At campfire, they would sing a few songs before listening to someone speak. There is nature everywhere. Stars so high up...but they seem so close. The lake reflects the lights of the Junction side of camp. The crickets are usually chirping away. In all of this, we see and feel God. At least I do. It's been hazy for awhile. It's not like it used to be. But every time I go to that lake and sit there, I know God is speaking there. It's not that He isn't everywhere else. But when I'm so far from the other distractions and so close to his creation, I can feel Him there. Maybe if there is a way to make my entire life like campfire. All the time, close to Him. It's something I'm working on.

Just when life gets the hardest, it becomes the best.

I'm finding more and more reasons to laugh every day. I'm no longer melanholly. I'm trying to get back to where I started. It's been rough, but I've found I have friends that care and people that love me. It's great.

I would blog, but I should probably get back to work now.

Starting camp!

So I have a new job as a summer staffer at a camp, and it is very possibly one of my favorite things in the world. I absolutely love doing manual labor, being with friends, and staying at my favorite place in the world. My days have become more difficult, as I am working the entire day, but I love that. I am actually very happy about the summer staff team I'm working with. They are all super nice, hard-working, and fun to be around. I feel like it's going to be a great summer.

Conflicts

I hate feeling like this. Like it's never going to work out the way I want it to...or maybe it is working out exactly the way I want it to. I am tired of waiting. I am tired of doing too much. Of being melancholy. Of not knowing what I want. Of knowing exactly what I want. Of not sharing my feelings. Of sharing too many feelings. Of loving. Of not loving enough. Of being indecisive. Of making decisions. Of forgetting. Of remembering.

Of feeling conflicted all the time.

I am very hungry. I am often hungry at 11:13 am.

So, it hasn't exactly been the greatest days ever. I found out a few things today. I feel like sharing them.

1. I need more than four hours of sleep.
2. Never save your great books paper until the night it is due.
3. Never save chemistry studying for the day of the test.
4. Lunchables keep you awake in class.
5. If you didn't read, at least listen in class well enough to b.s.
6. Nickel Creek is really good for calming nerves.
7. Hysteria never helped anyone.
8. Praying is pretty comforting. Try it while walking across campus.
9. Friends are awesome for helping you through the tough times.

I'm pretty sure this sums up my day.

I'm about to write a paper, but I can't write until I am somewhat motivated. So I'm hoping that blogging will help with that. I went with some friends today to work out. Sore though I may be, it feels awesome.

So, my freinds and I were playing Rock Band and Guitar Hero last night. Turns out that I don't know as many Beatles songs as I thought I did. Also, "I Am the Walrus" is soooo strange. I realized that harmonies are more difficult than one might think...(especially if you don't actually know the song).

Sorry for all my random thoughts. I think I might be sufficiently motivated for now. :)

"You should have seen that...sunset?...with your own eyes."

Apparently, the skies talk.

Yup. You didn't know that did you?

Well, they do. At least to me.

Well, ok, maybe it wasn't the SKIES, per se, but I was reminded, yet again, of Who is really in control. And it came to me in the form of a sunset. Awesome.

That's What Faith Can Do

So, without hearing actual any actual loud voice, I think I just realized how much God has been screaming at me. I heard this beautiful song a few days ago. It's called "What Faith Can Do" by Kutless. I love it. It took me a good thirty minutes to find it today. But it was worth it.

"I've seen dreams that move the mountains,
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling.
And I've seen miracles just happen,
Silent prayers get answered,
Broken hearts become brand new;
That's what faith can do."

So...new year. Guess who didn't make any resolutions? Me. Why? I dunno. I've been kind of bad at them for the past few years. Besides, I already made up my mind as to what I knew needed to change before the new year. A lot of it is the usual: Lose weight, be nicer, be tougher, quit wearing t-shirts every single day, learn to walk in heels, etc. Some of it I've worked on for years, but still haven't gotten down. And maybe I won't. Not perfectly anyway. I'm probably never going to be where I need to in my spiritual walk, but I guess that doesn't mean I'm going to quit trying. But I still definitely have work to do and should probably get off Facebook once in a while and reach these goals. So I guess this is an overview of my new year.

Also, for as much as I complained about having to get Windows 7, I'm kind of excited about it. Really. My computer is supposed to work better and faster. The only feature that is cool to me, though, is the way you can pin any program to your toolbar for quick and easy access. Definitely cool. But that's the geek in me talking.